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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| I continue to have a late night love affair with TIVO. I can now fast
forward through the mounds of shit shoveled at me.This show is like a
visual snack bar. Just munching away on other peoples demented lives.
Still digging the Extreme Makeover shows. Christ this show makes me
weep like a young single mother. Plus they always find a kid that lives
in the house and he or she is, like, alergic to light, or something. So
they build this brand new pad but they've got it rigged with night
vision goggles for everyone to wear. I always feel bad for the older
sister who mentions in passing that she likes carnivals then they
demolish her room and go with a tilt a whirl theme. Her desk is a
whack-a-mole game. Her toilet is the Zipper.
They are like powdered sugar-coated fried dough heroin cereal. I wanna
load an uzi with sugar bullets and shoot myself in the tongue. | | |
| Today my day is going pretty good, my brother is coming over so that is
really exciting. All me and Josh can think about now is this summer,
Josh is just as much excited about it as I am. I think he is really
happy that my mom decided to let us have a little privacy. Thats all
Josh can ever talk about anymore is this summer. Heh, I'm glad. Just as
long as it's keeping him talking to me. And open about his feelings. I
love him so much, just can't say it enough...It makes me smile. I smile
just thinking about him. We plan on going to Astro World. But Josh says
most of the rides suck. So we planned on just walking around holding
hands and catching up on life and things we were not able to do over
the internet  ..... .
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| Joshie, is back to normal again  .
I am so happy now. He seems happier...I hope he's as happy as he
pretending....HEH. I'm pretty sure he isn't pretending...He told me he
was glad that I told him how I felt...I love him so much. Yesterday my
sister had a few friends over. Some guy named Davear. AKA Skywalker. And
her best friend Mel and her boyfriend Tristan. I absolutly *~ HATED~*
THAT FUCKER " Davear"...I hated him the minute he walked in the
house...I went to let him in but as soon as I opend the door he just
barged right in...And then when he sat down and Ginger being the friendly
dog that she is jumps up into his lap and he starts petting her then he
says "OKAY GET AWAY FROM ME" and pushed her off and she is twisting
trying to keep balance and she falls and lands on her back. Then he had
the nerve to complaine about the dog hairs...Im like "IF YOU DON'T LIKE
IT ASSHOLE THEN GO STAND OUTSIDE AND GO FUCK YOURSELF." Okay, okay so I
didn't really say that but I wanted to...He was really pissing me off.
He looked weird anyway...He had a huge sniffer with a scar on the tip
of his nose. And a really deep ugly scar on the side of his head. On
his temple. He tried to tell me that he loves skateboarding and he
can't
get enough of it...So I asked him what kind of board he had...And he
looked at me like I'm out my mind. He has this blank puzzled stare and
then said "UUUHH...."
and he mummbled something while staring at the carpet and then his head
shot up and he changed the damn subject. I don't skateboard either but
I know more about it than he does...I just like the style. He was a
total nerd. But I had
fun with
them. Today is Josh's day on the computer which is really exciting. I'm
so excited I could just shit my pants .
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A 17-year-old killed 9 people and himself on Monday. Why does this keep happening? Respond."
Hated and singled out for not being good enough, not being perfect, not
being pretty or good looking or smart or "normal". You would do the
same thing wouldn't you? If you were picked on every chance people got,
calling you names like faggot, moron, stupid, retard. Kicked when you
were down. I know exactlly what the kid goes through I used to cry
myself to sleep almost every night because I was always picked on by
all the preppy girls. The guys just would always send me love
notes...Which was creepy. I would always lay in bed at night crying
thinking "I just don't understand why I can't be like them...I have no
meaning in life...I wish the world would swallow me whole...Why me? Why
me? Why me??, my parents later put me on despession medications..I stopped taking them. Today
I am doing fine, only because of one person. My brother. Although I
didn't handle it the way this kid did, I just focused on my school and
said fuck all you bitches who think differenly of me. My brother once
told me "it's the teachers you should be trying to impress, not the
weak minded fuckers." | | |
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Although most people would think differenly just because he likes black
and wears makeup. He sometimes wears makeup anyway. Usually black
lipstick and eyeliner...But I think it's cute when guys wear that kind
of stuff. He is very sweet and kind. We have a lot in common. He is my
type of guy...My mom saw his picture and was like..."eew....IS THAT A
GUY??" And my friend said he looked like a vampire. Me and him laugh at
the crazy shit people say. We love it. 
He
is funny, and very sweet. I love everything about him. Somethings been
up with Josh lately...He's
been real quiet and doesn't say much to me anymore...He apologizes to
me a lot though....But the more he says "I'm sorry" the more I feel
like
he doesn't mean it. I let him go when it's getting late and when he
keeps
complaining how tired he is. So I let him go so he can get some
sleep...And I watch him
long off Yahoo...Only later on to find him only on AIM. Which is odd
and makes me wonder...I ask him why he is only on AIM...and his
response the first time I caught him was "I dunno it just kinda
happend..." Then the story changes to "I was seeing if any old friends
showed up..." Then to "I zoned out and forgot Yahoo kicked me off and
now I'm on AIM." He changed the damn story three different times that
night. I wonder about that boy sometimes. Also I have noticed
the second I send him a IM he is already typing a response...Or is it a
response to someone else...? Because once the IM pops up and I see he
already typing he stops...And doesn't reply to my hello for after 5
minutes
or so. He is always telling me I'm the only one he talks to...And that
he doesn't talk to anyone anymore...O'well. TJ makes me smile and laugh
a lot...Josh does too...But not anymore. Not when he is all quiet with
not more than 3 sentances to say to me the entire night. I love TJ's
smile...It always makes me smile. TJ says he loves my smile. I hope to
talk to TJ soon tonight...But I mostly want to talk to Josh...I miss
him and need to tell him how I really feel...I HATE IT THAT I NEED HIM,
BUT I HATE IT MORE
THAT HE DOSN'T NEED ME. 